"I was preparing for an outdoor qualification and would get so frustrated because my memory isn't great but I had to memorise all these different plants and birds that are native to New Zealand. At the same time, I was learning about different indigenous connections to land which were very relational, rather than fact-based, which I was used to.

I was quite intimidated by the outdoors and its emptiness of humans. Being an extrovert, I thought I would go into the bush and it'd be quite draining being on my own. My curiosity doesn't express itself in facts; it's always relationships. So once I thought that maybe I could have a friendship with the Earth, I reoriented myself. I created these little cards of flora and fauna in Aotearoa, and I gave them all characters. I learned all these facts, and I rewrote them as characteristics and intriguing things. And it worked! I started to get to know all these things based on their essence, as well as their name.

I then got into map reading and had quite an anxiety-inducing exercise of being assessed on where I was at different times without a GPS, just looking at a map or the contours around me. So again, I went through the process of, “this is really intimidating, I don't know how I'm going to get this.” Until I was like, “oh actually, the motivation here shouldn't be from this place of fear or anxiety, but there's an intrigue here to become better acquainted with this land in a deeper way, based on constantly being aware of the changes in the landscape and where I am situated.” Again, my worldview was changed through that. I'm kind of plodding along in that journey because I have that qualification now, and while it was really good for that season, there's a lot of that mindset that's been brought to now.

I was in the bush two weekends ago and as soon as we started the track, I felt a surge of dopamine that I usually get with humans. I clocked that internally and was like, “how curious!” As an extrovert, I've come to this place where I can go into the bush and find community with the living things around me. That was just quite a triumphant feeling."